... on the edge...

... cold morning.. and working while your sick is no fun at all. I was already used to the fact that I'm pushing myself to the limits of working till I'm dead tired. But being workaholic is my way of getting my mind cleared off of some debris I've been wanting to get rid of.

The talk I've had with Vebs is being constantly replayed in my mind. The fact that we are no different with our walk and our past...tackling the issue of forgiveness when you've been hurt too bad all you can think of is, Why in the world when you don't even deserve such?

There are times when we badly wanted to move on and we let time to pass by, we think that time really heals all wounds. We believe that we were able to move on. Yet, one day you'll realize when another action has been executed by that same person whether intentionally or not, is tempting you to recall what has been done.

 Damage. Irreversible like an incurable disease that'll plague your life more just than a scar.When all the while you think you are fine, all the skeletons hidden in your closet will instantly resurface giving you a hard blow in the gut. 

I've given much than I should have. I lost much than I deserve. Yet I'm moving on as I'm expected. 

One thing more, and I'm praying hard for this... 

That I'll be able to forgive totally and completely, more than what I'm capable of.

fairytale indeed..

....torrent of tears...yes, i'm trying to stop it... when you are filled with constant haunting of thoughts and run around of alot of mem'ries you try to stay away from...fact is, there is no turning back now..

.......separate lives in a few weeks..yes, im strong enough now to handle it...

.....................when all the while you thought your world is a fairytale.

QUESTION now is...

.........WHAT HAPPENED TO PIXIE DUST???

...LITTLE FACTS

1.  I hate surprises. Don't ask me why..i just hate it. 

2.  I'm scared of spiders. (I love spiderman though..lol) 

3.  Photography is my passion. 

4.  I'm a bookworm...Im a wide reader...I love books! (...extravagant spender of such.) 

5.  I love watching movies. 

6.  I never outgrew fairytales and barney. 

7.  I love scrapbooking.

8.  I cook so I like guys who loves to eat.

9.  I'd like a guy who can play an instrument and sing. 

10.  I'm detailed in each and every way. 

11.  TIME IS GOLD for me. ( i don't like being late...i hate to be the one waiting..and I hate to let people   wait for me as well..) 

12.  I LOVE SUNSETS. 

13.  I love roadtripping.. 

14.  I'm not fond of ice creams and cotton candy's. 

15.  I hate "HAIRY". LOL 

16.  I love trampolines! 

17.  I love kids, toddlers, babies~!!! 

18.  I blog. 

19.  I'm a travelbug. 

20.  I like backpacks and colored socks. 

21.  Extravagant on perfumes and scents.

22.  I'm a coffee addict. 

23.  I hate cats! 

24.  I've been wearing a wedding ring since I was 21 yrs old. 

25.  I'm a fan of Arab and Hindi cuisines. 

26.  I'm workaholic.

27.   I don't usually like eating fishballs and street foods. 

28.  IF-YOU-THINK-YOURE-SMART-THEN-PROVE-IT type. 

29.  Inquisitive by nature. ( i ask, ask and ask) 

30.  I am a competitive type (...with myself, with school, or even at work)

...missin' mieyah!!

.... On lunch. Alone. It's during this wee hours in the morning where me and my buddy Mei usually spends time after some stressful calls half a shift time. My tummy is rattling screaming for something yet I was kinda used to the idea of sharing a meal or two with a friend.

It's been a week since our account moved some if its agents to a different line of business and most of my pals where included. Life again. We just have to learn that nothing is permanent in this world.

I miss the fact that there are things we usually do like some coffee somewhere after work, or heading off for some spa or scrub, or just a simple window shopping to ease some stress. I miss the times where at her very young age I can talk to her like just about anything. I miss the insights and since we are of different temperament I tend to learn things which us not pretty normal for me.

I miss you meiyah dude. I have no one to share my lunch with anymore. =(

(#itsagurlthingy#)

TWENTY THREE!

   

• 1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? 

  A: ...telling them how I feel I guess. I tend to be more blunt and straight forward most of the times.

• 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?

  A: ... don't wanna talk about it. I try not to remind myself of any negative emotion and I do not like saying anything nasty to anyone esp. if somehow I've been hurt by anyone I love..I'm rather good with hiding my emotions.

• 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? 

  A: My MOM and SISTERS. They know how much I love them. I'll tell them if I wont survive then I'll see them in heaven.

• 4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? 

  A: I don't think I will be afraid. For sure I'll be sad. Yet I'll pray for a miracle and yes I'll tell those I love.

• 5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust. 

  A: TRUST. You can Love without Trusting, but you cannot Trust without Loving.

• 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? 

  A: I don't think so. Priorities I must say. 

• 7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? 

  A: ...been through both..trust me i'd rather not talk about it.

• 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? 

  A: ...Did that mistake once. I regretted it.

• 9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? 

  A: NO. I won't mess up with God's timetable.

• 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? 

  A: No not really. I would like the opposite.=)

• 11. Does love = sex? 

  A: NO. Not at all. 

• 12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? 

  A: NO. Not unless I have my reasons.

• 13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? 

  A: HIM.. months back I guess. Sometimes it's just too hard to know the truth, whether you were loved or you were just making up stories inside your head. I needed to know if I even mean something to him...(and the rest is history.)

• 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? 

  A: that I love him. I'm not used being honest about it..lol

• 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? 

  A: dunno. Maybe the feelings I usually have towards a person. It has always been an issue for me..I cannot easily move on..it takes me years.

• 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? 

  A: My family.

• 17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? 

  A: Can i change that question??..if there's one moment I wanna change and if given the chance to turn back time it would be sometime early 2012.

• 18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? 

  A: NO. I don't know how to do it.

• 19.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? 

  A: that's hard. tsk tsk!

• 20. Are you old fashioned? 

  A: Sometimes. Like i love it when a guy would write me love letters and give me flowers...or we'll go walking on the beach and watch sunsets, or go for some star gazing..or enjoy some picnic with the family...and even, him singing a song for me.

• 21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? 

  A: When it comes to material and financial matters, I never expect anything in return if I choose to help just anybody. I was raised that way and will stay that way. I stick to my principle.

• 22.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? 

  A: a broken heart.. That's how i learn..that's when I grow.

• 23.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? 

  A: I could've wished for all this pain to just vanish. Yet i can't do that. That would even be impossible. I already got what I asked for..FORGIVENESS and SECOND chance. I'm alot more stronger and better now.

Some thought to ponder...

... And it was pointless to think how those years could have been put to better use, for he could hardly have put them to worse. There was no recovering them now. You could grieve endlessly for the loss of time and the damage done therein. For the dead, and for your own lost self. But what the wisdom of the ages says is that we do well not to grieve on and on. And those old ones knew a thing or two and had some truth to tell, for you can grieve your heart out and in the end you are still where you are. All your grief hasn't changed a thing. What you have lost will not be returned to you. It will always be lost. You're left with only your scars to mark the void. All you can choose to do is go on or not. But if you go on, it's knowing you carry your scars with you.

 

― Charles Frazier

...breath taking!

...whoa!!....I say this is the most beautiful and striking song by Phil Collins.. the emotion too strong for a musician to clearly understand and play every lyric and note..

...AWESOME INDEED!!  =)

 

You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you're alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?

You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can't go on just holding on to time
Now that we're living separate lives

Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we're living (living)
Separate lives

Ooh, it's so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger

Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we'll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we'll go on living separate lives
Separate lives

.

Heart Strings..=)

.....I came to a point in my life where I was about to leave everything behind and just start a new life. Fresh new slate as what they call it. While fear, hurt, regret, and doubt blurred my vision...they stood as my comfort. They worked their way making me smile when I don't even feel like I want to. Prayed for my recovery when I thought nobody seemed to care till' I came back to my senses that yes, LIFE MUST GO ON...no matter how painful..no matter how unfair..

...working on this post replayed one conversation I had with one of them..that day when I decided to just RUN and never look back.

ATE: where do you think your going?

ME: anywhere but here.. I can't do this anymore.

VEE: you're running away.

ME: maybe.

VEE: KIM, THERE ARE A LOT OF US WHO LOVES YOU. YOU WILL RUN FROM ONE PERSON IN EXCHANGE FOR ALL US? ARE WE NOT ENOUGH?

 

......Yes, at one point I've been a coward. Maybe because I gave too much and lost thrice. Yet, I'm grateful for all the pain that made me a much stronger person now. God gave me my smile back.. my heart? NO NOT YET... it's still shattered slowly nursing back to health. One step at a time.. Anyway these folks prays for me..one day I'm gonna have my heart back.. WHOLE and fully recovered.

TRIPPERZ!

...... Snap shots.... Memories... and mere seconds.

................................... I WILL MISS THESE.       (-_-)

BESTIES DAY OUT!

... A musicians Heart

....This is what I love the most, Loving God. The talent He has given me, the passion for music, and the drive to learn is taking root at the very core of my being. I LOVE THE LORD with my everything. I may have strayed too many times but I was forgiven twice as much. The chance to live a new life with a self-less purpose aimed at glorifying Him and Loving Him alone.

...I know better now. I'm forgiven. I'm starting anew. I'm going to run the race...for HIM till its time.

MY MUSIC. MY HEART. MY LIFE...FOR HIS GLORY.

... UN-forgettable (LATE BLOG = CHERISHED MEMORIES)

... Another fun trip with bestie..Impulsive road tripping I say could really be F-U-N!!!... 'twas the sweetest thing he did by far...He brought me along a very peaceful beach resort near our place where we were able to enjoy some fresh air and serene environment. Oh well, the memories are bitter-sweet.. a total mix of emotion where I am totally aware of the fact that we are going to part ways one way or another. 

Friendship remains for a lifetime.. will stand still no matter the distance, the tantrums (LOL!!!), the busy work schedule, and the priorities. But I guess that's how life works. And yes, people come and go. We just have to work on being someone worth remembering. 

I have always prayed, always hoped that whenever you remember me buddy... laughter will echo at every corner of your being, a bit of void for you to feel at times you will miss my company (trust me, I can feel it too..we have connection just in case you never realized it yet..lol), and smile will tug on the corner of your lips. 

..."This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.
I love you.."

 ― Nicholas Sparks

 

 

FOR HIM...

I'll be working on this song...One day, if he's the one, I'll be singing this song for him...=)

Katharine McPhee - Terrified ft. Zachary Levi

Zumba Mega Jam!!

...it's been a while since I blogged..Hectic work sched inhibited me from doing so, that means I have some juicy events to share..uhmmm, lemme start with my fun bonding workout with my Zumbalicious Ladies. Held an event to highlight our passion for some sweat party this time to support SUNTOWN CAMP FOUNDATION, INC.which assists children diagnosed with cancer or in remission together with their parents to help them understand and accept their situation. Party held at IKTHUS compound last SEPT. 26 with ZJ SAMUEL SALAZAR, trainer of Beyonce (ooohhhlalaala!). Mind you, I was captivated by his smile and dimples...lol...

It is uplifting to know that through these we can help save a life. Who says fun is just fun after all??..In short, we had a really good time!.yiz!...UP FOR THE NEXT CHALLENGE GURLS!!

***...having F-U-N!!***

***im captivated..lol...***