New year. The long awaited time came for me to start the year right. 2013 has not been very good to me I must say. It was in fact the most traumatic wherein lessons were learned the hard way. I had my share of regrets I can't turn back time though to straighten things up.
12:01 when everyone was busy celebrating the start of 2014 with fireworks and food and festivities, I was inside the sleeping quarter of my office silently uttering a prayer of thanksgiving to GOD for everything the past year has given. It wasn't a smooth ride, it was a roller coaster one actually. A ride I badly wanted to forget. Yet amongst it all, I am still thankful for all the lessons learned, the broken heart, the betrayed trust, and the awakened fairytale not to mention the prince turned coward running with his horse when my castle collapsed.
I thank God for the pain he allowed coz it made me stronger. I thank Him for the broken trust, coz I learned who my real friends are. I thank Him for the betrayal coz it taught me to be cautious. I thank him for the lessons learned the hard way coz it will forever remind me not to do the same mistake again.
Now that the new year has come. It is like a new chapter for me. New memories to make. My heart is not completely healed yet. It's still on process. But soon enough I will be completely okay.
I promised myself to start anew. I refuse to think about him. Every memory of him is associated with pain and betrayal. I will start all over again. I promise I will be much better, much stronger than my old self.
"No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!” JOYBELL C.
Standard.
The word that has been bothering me today. In my
own definition it is quite broad and technical to explain. Let's just
say I've been a strict compliant way back when curfews has to be
followed, grades has to be maintained, family should always be a
priority, and so on and so forth. I reckon being my old judgemental,
idealistic self, I used to be proud setting and aiming some realistic
goals to my self and to others. Work must be exceptional and deadlines
met before due.
My standards served me well. I am until now respected and known for such principle. It wasn't a smooth ride though.
As I grew older, counting the numbers left before I reach the end of
the calendar days, I kinda realized that most my playmates, classmates,
colleagues, are into the marriage thing-y. Diving in the pool of
loneliness I recalled one conversation I had with my college friend
before we graduated,
Her: Why is that you seem to be so picky with guys?
Me: I dunno.
Her: you know the problem with you? Your standards are too high no guy could ever reach it. That's why no one dares.
That statement got stuck on one corner of my stupid brain.
Yeah, I did stick to my so called standard till I passed 25. Then came
26. Oh no! Im getting older.
So yes, my judgment got better of me at one point in my
life I did settle for sub standard. At last, fairytale for me. At least I
won't be in one corner just listening when every girl in the room has
something to say about romances and escapades. And the rest was history.
To make the long story short, after those make believe and happily ever after, I'm now back to once upon a time.
My lesson?? I should've stick to what I was taught. That
fairy tales never really exist. There is no such thing as Neverland where
you think of wonderful thoughts then you'll find yourself up in the
air. Reality hurts. Life is always unfair. Either you deal with it or
you get trampled upon.
After all the heartaches, and betrayal, and pain so
paralyzing, I came to settle with one thing. I don't need to lower my
standard for a guy to love me. If he's worth it, he will find no
difficulty in winning my heart. I don't need a Prince who roams around
till he hears my voice that'll draw his attention. I want a knight
who'll climb the tallest tower and demolish bridges just to prove that
I'm worth fighting for.
