Heart Note

I wouldn't bother wasting my time, effort, and emotion dating a guy below God's standards, not mine. If it will be true love he won't dare compromise my faith and relationship to God whom I pledged my loyalty to. He must know better to pursue the heart of my Heavenly Father before the can even have mine. ~Issabella~

Loved and Lost

This is not a love letter.


A friend told me once we never were. I knew you sometime around April, up till now there was no goodbye. No closure. We never even laid eyes on each other. But I fell that much, that hard.


I never thought I could love someone as much as this. You're almost impossible to reach.
We were known to be one sweet couple, a perfect match. People would see the intensity of our love by the time and effort we spent for each other inspite the crazy timezones. My friends would usually smile and tease for the "UNLIMITED" phone time from work and out. I missed all the planning, the giggles, the teases, and petty arguments.


You were the talker, I, the listener. You usually get pissed when I do not answer but just so you know, your voice had always been like a balm to ease my stresses at work. A comfy pillow my heart could just cuddle with all the time. Hearing you talk nonstop made me feel human... and loved. Those Facebook posts and tags on each others wall that made every girl envy me to be the most loved by a wonderful guy. To this day, I look fondly upon these memories as something I will cherish for the rest of my life.


I started to withdraw on that day we had a misunderstanding about family. Not mine. Not yours. But  "OURS" supposedly. Yes I want kids but only two. I have reasons and I was just being my honest idealistic self. I do not want my future kids to suffer. Economy nowadays is diving downwards and growing up basically competitive I know full well how hard it is for kids to even get proper education. And I wanted it for you. For me to give you the attention you deserve as a husband. I wanted to enjoy every moment and everyday we are together with the kids and during our solitary oneness.


I can say I had my share of mistakes. While you were the straightforward one, I decided to handle the hurt myself. Instead of talking it over with you, which you insisted rather non-stop, I kept my cool. The hurt built in. The bitterness piled up.You started talking to other women. I started to get jealous. I would call you and hear a female voice on the other line. When asked what she is doing at your apartment you would casually tell me you're both playing domino. How in the world can a woman stay up late at a man's apartment without any intention of something dirty??


Don't get me wrong, I'm not being malicious. You gave me the reason to think otherwise. If you were honest in taking care of my feelings you wouldn't do that. If I was really special, you shouldn't be playing with fire. But inspite of it I trusted you. It was a decision that backfired in the way that I am forever grateful for.


Then the trail started. One liner messages. Unanswered phone calls. The thread were mostly mine. I needed always to ask what have you been up to, where did you go? You end up irritated for my nosey-ness.


Remember me asking you to have your facebook password? I never intended to really do it. I totally respected your privacy. I put you to the test. And you failed. It sort of sealed the deal when you decided to end it all of a sudden. I’ll never know what actually happened that time, and to assume your guilt is only to prove my mistrust.


We struggled through the next weeks that followed. I kinda settled to the saying, "What you do not know won't hurt you." I dived downhill. You drove me away without you noticing it. I started not to ask questions. I taught myself not to be jealous. I forced myself rather to be okay. To act "okay".


It was all you. You taught me how be NUMB. I embraced it oh so tightly you never noticed me slipping away. You acted as if my feelings meant nothing. You wanna be happy.. what about me??


You've always questioned my love just because I cannot give up my values and principles. You have your idea of what love should be which is totally contradictory to mine. Yet still I stood by you. I defended you. You constantly reminded me that I never pleased you; that I'm incapable of it. I was blinded; I heard love did that. You tend to forget who really are just to keep the person you love; just to keep the flame burning.


Then she came. For all I know she was already there lurking around the corner while we were together. She was just waiting for the perfect time to get in the picture. And she did! (CLAP..CLAP..CLAP!!)


I knew the details only lately and started to fit the puzzle.You were forced (..I doubt it) to let her hear you breaking up with me over the phone. Just to make her happy. It broke my heart big time. But you came calling after an hour for us to be together again. Stupid me, I said yes. And the pattern started. ON, OFF. ON, OFF.

Women after women yet you kept telling me I'm the ONE. I'm so tired of the pattern. I found myself lost in the labyrinth I almost never found my way back. Too many times I found myself drowned in my own pool of tears. One day I woke up knowing the butterflies are dead. I gave up. Ours was a lost case. I could never change you and I never intend to.
 
Your betrayal made me drove away every potential love that came right after. You were so careless and insensitive. You know what hurts though? Everyone who knew about us would say, "Those sparkles were different with D****. Your chemistry was totally amazing!" Well it WAS. Not anymore.


Despite it all I thank God for the redemption. Grace found me at my lowest. When I thought I could no longer get back on track, here I am declaring that my faith has healed me. Of all the chances I was given to start anew, I kept failing but there was HOPE.  I knew all along that God was behind this all. He allowed me to be crushed into pieces to realize that He alone can mend the impossible.


Now I've taken the road less traveled as what they say. I've never been better. Your betrayal made me realize my worth as a woman. I don't need to bother myself with people who only consider me to be an option. I need not prove the validity of my existence by having a sturdy, good looking man beside me. I deserve better than that.


If not for you I wouldn't have realized the bliss of strumming my guitar singing for the Author of Love itself. I wouldn't know the joy in sharing what I have with others. You made me value the friendship I've established with people worth keeping. You've taught me to be strong inspite the distance, to trust inspite the pain, and to Love inspite the uncertainties. Along the way I learned to love others and GOD deeply any word I can form in my mind to describe it would be an understatement.




So baby, what's the point of all this?




I want you to know that I'm totally okay now. I didn't lose a diamond, you did. At one point in my life I thought I was a better person for having loved you, I should have known better. It was in losing you that I became the stronger, beautiful version of myself. I take it as God's redemptive plan of saving me from future disaster.


I want you to know that you will always be loved. You hold that special place in my heart. At one point I need to remind myself that there is something in you I find rather irresistible. All those fun memories will always be cherished. And if in case I'm gonna be asked if I felt loved by you,... YES. You did love me as much as I did. We were not just meant for each other. There were a lot of extra luggage I never wanna carry around. It was hard to accept but still I had to move on despite the heartache. I finally flourished in the aftermath.


So instead of playing the blame game for being loved and lost, I wanna thank you. Thank you for the love and for making me feel that I am the most beautiful person you've ever met. I wanna let you know that I already have forgiven you for letting me slip away. I've forgiven myself too for not fighting for us. Despite all the roller coaster of emotions, I do wish you well.


I hope you'll find the girl who will drive you to be a better person. I wish she'd be more caring and understanding. I pray she'd love you truly and I pray for your happiness. Someday we'll meet and look back and laugh at our childish mistakes. We will then understand the purpose behind having each other even for a short time, to serve as a lesson that the true meaning of love isn't defined by the distance and lenght of relationship rather the quality of it. I am forever grateful for having you Mr. Sling Guy. You are loved, always.

What would you do?

The most striking conversation. He was really angry for what has been going on (or so she thought), he was too discriminating.

Patience. She has more of that but it almost ran out. She kept her mouth shut. Real tight. She tried to be more compassionate. There's must be more to it.

BAD WORDS. INSULT.

Feeling he crossed the line and sensed her silence for his hurtful words he uttered, "I'm not mad at you. I was married to a Filipina. I gave her everything. I brought her whole family here. But they took advantage of me. I feel stupid. I feel like I'm the most stupidest person in the world. What they did to me is what I think of every time I wake up in the morning and before I sleep at night. I gave her everything I can for her and her children and her family. They used me."

Pain. She knows there's more to his unexplainable rudeness. She finally understood why. She can't blame him. Her instinct was right at the onset.

"My mom used to tell me when I was young, there are no permanent friends, no permanent enemies either. I can't tell you I understand what you're going through coz you felt and still feeling the pain. Maybe what I can say is that you should stop beating yourself up. Take it as lesson. Life is a constant change and we all know that. Either you deal with it or get trampled upon. Your choice. But unless you forgive and love yourself again, then you will finally realize the reason why you had to go through all this. What they did will go back to them for sure. But you owe yourself a goodnight sleep everyday. Don't let anger take that away from you".


She felt him relax and everything calmed down. He was thankful for the insight from a faceless stranger.

"After talking to you I feel a lot better. I was very angry but now I feel good. Thank you."

Then she heard him laugh. They both did.

Her Last Note

What love is to me is your happiness. I am not like those who fall in love so I can be happy. All I need is for you to be smiling. I'm good with that. I will have my heart healed someday though I do not know when. Life may lead me somewhere but I thank you for the lessons learned. I'm getting wiser and wiser each and every time. I do not see myself in a state of being in a relationship any longer. My heart is totally closed until further notice. It's frozen shut. But I don't blame you. I won't. I came to your life to help you move on with your ex. I guess God allowed you to know me so your heart will be healed with all the hurts and pains. I hope I was able to help you with that and I guess I did coz you are perfectly okay now. You got a new love which shows you have moved on. I have done my part. But just to let you know, all these time I have loved you. So much it hurts. But I guess that's what makes it all worth it. The pain reminds me that what we had was true and special. I will always love you. You will always have that special place in my heart. I pray you have a happy marriage. Take care of her. I hope she does too. Coz it will hurt me too bad if she won't take good care of the heart she took away from me.

=(

I will start picking my life back in order.. the way it was before you came.

MY LAST NOTE TO DAVID

What love to me....¦ is your happiness. I'm not like those who fall in love so I can be happy. All I need is for you to be smiling. I'm good with that. I will have my heart healed someday though I do not know when. Life may lead me somewhere but I thank you for the lessons learned. I'm getting wiser and wiser each and every time. I do not see myself in a state of being in a relationship any longer. My heart is totally closed until further notice. It's frozen shut. But I don't blame you. I won't. I came to your life to help you move on with your ex. I guess God allowed you to know me so your heart will be healed with all the hurts and pains. I hope I was able to help you with that and I guess I did coz you are perfectly okay now. You got a new love which shows you have moved on. I have done my part. BUt just to let you know, all these time i have loved you. So much it hurts. But I guess that's what makes it all worth it. The pain reminds me that what we had was true and special. I will always love you David. You will always have that special place in my heart. I pray you have a happy marriage. Take care of her. I hope she does too. Coz it will hurt me too bad if she won't take good care of the heart she took away from me.

I'll be waiting till it's time..

Different Kinds of Readers

I found this while scanning the net. Haha!

  What kind of reader are you?

• The Devourer:Each book is a snack for this kind of reader--but it doesn't mean that s/he won't enjoy each book just as much. 
• The Lover:Books read by this kind of reader are read in hidden, stolen moments at the most unexpected times.
• The Slow Dancer:Books are a treat that this kind of reader savors. Slow and steady wins this reader's race, as his/her eyes take in and taste each and every word.
• The Addict:Books are a conquest to this kind of reader. S/he will buy more books than s/he can read, but s/he will ALWAYS have something to read.
• The Classic:Books of the past are a gift to this reader. Prose in the style of early contemporary authors, or stories written long ago, are favorites for this reader.
• The Die-Hard:Genres are a way of life for this reader. S/he finds a niche and sticks to it--veering from what s/he knows for short bursts of time.
• The Advocate:This reader is a lover of books. S/he is not just a reader, but an advocate of reading--hoping that the future will contain more readers.

A Letter to my Boaz

Dear Boaz, 

Just in case you're just around somewhere, you need to know I'm waiting. I know you're doing the same too. Yet now that it's not the right time yet well I gotta do what I gotta do. 

I'll keep working in the field since it's harvest. Dad's been more strict so my standards are alot more higher than usual. I don't think that'll ever be an issue. Right? 

My heart's bandaged right now coz I chose to disobey so I got some good spanking. But otherwise I'm being molded to being the "Right" one for you. So I guess I'm going to be alright. =)

I still wanna do so much stuff I wanna share with you in the future. So I'm taking a step of faith everyday.
And oh, it is really funny to be reminded that Ruth is for Boaz, not David. Lol... 

I guess I'll see u around then.. very soon. The thought gives me butterflies. Hihi.

Ruth

Angel's Cry

I'm so in love with this! Perfect! ♥♥♥

My heart hurt for HER

It was just like yesterday. Looking back when I was still 16 and in love to the guy who broke my heart the first time. I was happy then. But of course if it's not meant to be, then it isn't. And I have moved on totally since once upon a time. 

Years passed. Yes, I moved on but that never meant I stopped caring. I still do even as a friend. Ten years after our so called "puppy-love", he got married. Years prior that I met her. I once called her the "chosen" one. We became good friends, not minding the fact that I was the ex and she, the present. Funny thing is, we even never made it an issue really. We just accepted the fact that we both loved the same guy in a different time though. 

Yet sometimes there is no such thing as Happy Ever After. I just learned that their story just ended with I believe never ending tears and bitterness. As I listen to the story I can't help but feel sorrow to the fact that all those times she chose to be quite in her statuses and shout-outs was the very time she may have needed someone to listen. I had the gut feeling that something was wrong and I decided to give her the space but it wasn't until today that I confirmed everything.

I resent the fact that she loved him too much she almost lost herself in the process. True, men never change especially when it comes to the issue of POLYGAMY even if they get married. It is a disease that is incurable by women. If only women can understand their value just to be treated as spare tires.

She is strong but I know what she has been through made her stronger. I cannot even be so sure if I can handle such humiliation in case. But seeing her posts nowadays made me realize that she is way more that I expected of her. 

My heart bleeds accepting the fact that he really never matured. I hate that he never even had a twinge of remorse for hurting her so bad she was beaten to a pulp. My heart breaks towards that girl who promised me that she'll take care of him and love him with everything she is and promised him a lifetime. She loved him too much, that I know. She loved him to the very depths of her soul she was broken into pieces and scarred that'll serve to remind her a lifetime of lesson and tears. And I'm crying because she doesn't deserve to be treated such. 

How can you love with all your heart and be given such pain in return? Can love be fair sometimes?

Till I met you

That smile that has been long gone. That heart that has long forgotten how to love again. That girl who thought she will never be good for anyone. That girl who has cried non stop to ease the pain of being betrayed. 

Yes, she almost believed that she will never be fine anymore. Crushed and humiliated she struggled to move forward with no assurance of what the future holds. Maybe she has accepted with an air of awful finality that she lost her chance of finding love and would have to deal with fate itself.

Then he came. Out of the blue, they met. With doubts looming she kept her heart guarded. No, not again this time. Build her walls to protect what's left of her sanity. But he was patient. He has been more understanding of the hurt she has gone through. He made her feel extra special and loved. He answers every bit of question with honestly and pure intentions. He loves her more than she ever thought any guy is ever capable of.  


***********************

I have been through too much heartaches I remember telling you I cannot afford another one. You came out of nowhere on that lazy day and the rest was history. I never thought guys like you ever exist, not even in my wildest dreams. My pains taught me to be vigilant, to trust no one. But you have loved me more than I could imagine. You assure honesty and I can't help myself but to trust you. In time I will learn to love you the way you do. I promise it's gonna be worth it. 

People noticed that I have been more happier lately. I just smile because I cannot come up with the right word to explain it. I am blessed to have you. Whatever will be the outcome, I will forever be thankful for you. Always.

When?

Oh yeah... I've been cultivating some romantic thoughts at the back of my head. And while I'm busying myself with work and starting up my business, he's there. Someone who cares. Someone who loves. Finally.

Thousand miles away, on a different continent with crazy timezones. A different race (not that it matters), but who would have thought?

I guess I am being given another chance to correct some mistakes I did in the past. I consider it a blessing, knowing him. I've learned and still learning Love in its very essence. This time it's more serious and more complicated all at the same time.

Question is when will I stop being afraid? When will I learn to trust again?

Our Little Chinito at 8 months

I normally spend my time outdoor on my rest days. But today was different. Went to visit my sister two years younger than I to bring my laundry since my helper took her indefinite leave and to get a chance to bond with my 8th month old nephew Lucas. 

It was like yesterday, a day before my 28th when my sister sent me an early morning good news that she's in labor. I was supposed to leave that very day to visit our adoptive sister in Aklan and to go for a Boracay escapade for some unwinding. And yes, everything was cancelled all of a sudden with no regrets. 

And there the birth of LUKE FREDDIERICK ROLAN. His mother will really give him a hard time when he gets to school someday...hahhaha!

Unlike babies his age, Lucas is really big. He has the size of a one year old. I guess it runs in the genes. He got our "chinese" eyes and baldy head dominant in the males of the family. We have the same chin structure, though he has his dad's nose (not the striking type everyone in the family have). But he is perfect for me. 

Growing up he shows some musical inclination and can easily learn when taught. He once tried to play with the beat box when the band was around and he enjoys the strumming of guitar and aims for the microphone when given a chance. He loves to sit around and observe everyone and doesn't throw any tantrum. He only cries when hungry and sleepy, yet don't ever mess with him if he's not in the mood coz he will really ignore you big time. At his early age he can roll his eyes on you piss him off..haha!

I brought him to a public swimming pool at our place to relax. He saw kids swimming and he started to move uncontrollably I interpreted as him wanting to be in the water. So I called his mom to bring some clothes and yes he enjoyed swimming. I was drenched in the pool but since it was only the two of us I wasn't able to swim myself. I gave him all the time he wanted since he was really frolicking.

Unlike most women my age, I love children. I always have. I always will. I have no problem feeding them, messing around or playing with them. I am really particular when it comes to taking good care and looking after their welfare. I am a known spoiler. I give treats when they behave, give them something special when they finish their bowl of veggies or fruits. I love the hugs and kisses showered when they see me coming from work, and those small massages on my back whenever they notice I'm dead tired for the day.

I have no kids myself. I have always wanted one. Though I am not sure if I will be given the chance. But who knows maybe one day. Once He knows it's time then I'll get what I desire.

For now, I am enjoying the cuddling and tickling and baby sitting with my Little Lucas. 

Someday soon I won't even be able to carry him anymore. He's getting bigger and heavier overtime! Whew.

clapping is his way of saying..I love it!

At the end of the rope

At work. Lately I found myself tired and unwilling to do my usual routine which is not normal for me. I dunno what's happening. Maybe I just needed space. I wanted to do something different nowadays. Something  fun, exciting, and dangerous altogether.

Found myself at ease with nature most of the time. I look forward going up to the mountains and spend time hiking, swimming, or sometimes just curl up in a book sipping cups and cups of brewed coffee.

I noticed I haven't been myself for a while now. Or maybe I'm just seeking for some adventure, I don't know. My mind drifts on a lot of things I wanna do, on places I wanna go. Most of the time I am driven on impulse to pack and travel to places I haven't been to. Like I wanna start somewhere else. I feel like the other part of me is lost in space I have no idea where. I keep on searching for it. I just don't know where and how to start.

And them. I can't leave them. Not now. Not yet.

Suddenly I wanted to just quit my job. I found it boring when all my life I am challenged in everyday to be the best I can be. I'm dragging myself, it kills me.

I need to be detached. The sooner, the better.

Reblog =)

Yep... One day he will.

“One day, he’s going to know. He’ll know your birthday, your middle name, where you were born, your star sign, and your parents names. He’ll know how old you were when you learnt to ride a bike, how your grandparents passed away, how many pets you had, and how much you hated going to school. He’ll know your eye colour, your scars, your freckles, your laugh lines and your birth marks. He’ll know your favourite book, movie, candy, food, pair of shoes, colour, and song. He’s going to know why you’re awake at 5am most nights, where you were when you realised you’d lost a good friend, why you picked up the razor and how you managed to put it down before things went too far. He’s going to know your phobias, your dreams, your fears, your wishes, and your worries. He’s going to know about your first heartbreak, your dream wedding, and your problems with your parents. He’ll know your strengths, weaknesses, laziness, energy, and your mixed emotions. He’s going to know about your love for mayonnaise, your dream of being famous when you were five, your need to quote any film you know all the way through, and your fear of growing older. He’ll know your bad habits, your mannerisms, your stroppy pout, your facial expressions, and your laugh like it’s his favourite song. The way you chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget and kiss. He’s going to know that you’ve already picked out wedding flowers, baby names, tiles for the bathroom, bridesmaid dresses, and the colour of your bedroom walls. He’s going to know, get annoyed at and then accept that you leave clothes everywhere, take twenty minutes to order a Starbucks, have to organise your DVD’s alphabetically, and check your horoscope… just incase. He’ll know your McDonald’s order, how many sugars to put in your tea, how many scoops of ice cream you want, and that you need your sandwiches cut into triangles. He’s going to know how you feel without you telling him, that you need a wee from a look on your face, and that you’re crying without shedding tears. He’s going to know all of it. Everything. You, from top to bottom and inside out. From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching. He’s going to know every single thing there is to know, and you know what else? He is still going to love you.” 

...new chapter

 

"Never let go of your numbers, till your very last day." ~Boss Franco

I sat there together with the selected few who will be one of the first to undergo the transition imposed by the company as our boss was debriefing us for the upcoming changes. Trying very hard not to let my tears fall, I pretended to be smiling a practiced smile so no one will notice the nostalgia that's been creeping in my system for a quite a while now.

I hate changes. I guess I'm having anxiety attack. Soon enough I'll be leaving the comforts of my usual routine, I'll be missing my team who's been with me since I worked in the company. Those people I used to joke around and cry with, those pals I used to share a cup of coffee and small talks.

I guess that's the very essence of life. It goes on. Another moving on chapter for me, and I guess for all of us. Time to learn something new but not so totally different. Time to meet and establish new camaraderie. Time to prove again and again what I'm capable of to myself and to others.

"With your character Kim, it won't be difficult for you." Encouraging words uttered by Ate Leish as we were having breakfast the other day. She must have sensed my hesitation about the transfer that's about to take place. I'm somewhat glad that there are alot of people who really believes in me when alot of times I tend to doubt myself.


As what my mom used to say, "Nothing is permanent in this world, everything is temporary. There are no permanent friends, and no permanent enemies either. You won't always stay on top, and you can't be at the bottom all your life as well. Only goes to show that the world is really round."


I will miss Arcalz. I feel like I'm losing my other foot. =(

12.29.13

The date that marked the birth of my photography career. Lol... I'm just kidding. I guess I'm just glad to share at least I was able to to something different than my normal routine. Don't get me wrong, I love photography. I like to imagine sometimes.. (wink!)

12.29.13

Nine couples. Nine love stories. These love birds decided to renew their vows before the year ends. I was picked via unanimous decision to facilitate everything.. yes, everything!!

On the back of their minds was a simple ceremony, while I was planning something they've never done and couldn't even imagine doing. To go with the flow, I made them do prenuptial photoshoot sessions on different locations as my first surprise. I can't imagine the look on the guy's faces...lmao!!!

"A photoshoot???!!!!!...what are we suppose to do??

"Relax dad, just do as I say", was my calm response.

I'm grateful to have a handful of friends who helped me out. From the gowns, tux, rings, cake, and all of it. Now I know how it feels to be wedding planner. Haha!!! Never easy, yet very fulfilling.

 To make the long story short, the wedding was a success. I was teary eyed seeing the smile in their faces while the brides are walking down the aisle one at a time until the KISS.

I came to a realization, now that the stress has finally worn out, that Love may not work for me but it can be a happily ever after for someone else. I have the gift. Now some friend's friends are looking for me. I guess it will just be a hobby for now, though my mom is asking if I wanna pursue it or open a business.. lol. Not for now..

Soon, we'll see. Who knows right?? =)

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(-_-)

“The clock holds me nowhere. Nowhere. Nowhere. There is nothing else but now and the shifting depth of the night. I sit at a table alone drinking coffee and listening and surviving. I should not be here or anywhere. I should not be breathing or taking space. I should not have been given this moment or anything else. I should not have this opportunity again to live. I do not deserve it or deserve anything yet it is here and I am here and I Have it all of it still. I won't have it again. This moment or this chance they are the same and they are mine if I choose them and I do. I want them. Now and as long as I can have them they are both precious and fleeting and gone in the blink of an eye don't waste them. A moment and an opportunity and a life, all in the unseen tick of a clock holding me nowhere. My heart is beating. The walls are pale and quiet. I am surviving. ”

MONEY MATTERS

Money. It has been a matter of importance to everyone earning a living. On a personal note, though my family may have enough I was raised to work for what I want. Life gave us our share of difficulty where we almost had nothing. It was during those times I learned not to trust much on people who doesn't even care making a living for themselves. How can you lend to someone who has no intention of paying you back what you worked for??

 

I remember my mom investing our money to someone who is a gold-digger / lazy ass for some business with the intention of helping him support his family which finally turned out him getting all our money for his own. OK that was past but it left a very traumatic memory till now I never gave back the respect I once had.

 

However, we were raised and taught the vitue of kindness and generousity. Growing up I realized that there are others who are less fortunate than I am. My mom would always remind us to share our blessings whether big or small. It shouldn't always be money. There are alot of things we can share, whether time or effort or anything.

 

Earning money since I was 18 has been my turning point when it comes to it. I hate greedy people. Well let's say I pity them. Imagine the effort of earning much then keeping it. There's nothing wrong with that since money can be of great use in case of any emergency. Money can help you buy whatever you want, let you go wherever you desire. But I'm more happy seeing other people happy coz I was able to help them. Money has never been an issue for me.

 

As my 2014 resolution, I promised myself to fix my bank account. People very close to me resent and love the fact that I am kind yet I have the tendency to be abused because of it. I love so I give.

 

After being a very loving and caring and genorous lover I was, I decided to be very careful this time. After being fooled around leaving me almost bankrupt, it's time for some renovation. Changes has to be imposed.

 

I will still be my old self. Kindness is a matter of the heart. Once you're not into it, then it may take a lifetime to learn. I'd rather have a small amount yet with a happy heart than have much silver with less joy. =)