Lump in my throat

"You're letting me go?"

She curled her upper lip, her expression painfully bitter as she took a step back from him.

"Apparently,...I never had a hold of you."

She turned down sharply, and without another word striding down the street into nowhere.

She never once looked back and that was a good thing. If she had, he'd have seen her crying real tears for the first time in a long time, and he would have known that she'd lied. And lied big.

For anyone who saw her, knew they were watching a heart in the process of it breaking. =(

I WILL MISS YOU

Like a comet pulled from orbit,

As it passes a sun. Like a stream that meets a boulder, 

Halfway through the wood. 

Who can say if I've been changed for the better? 

But because I knew you, I have been changed for good 

 

It well may be, 

That we will never meet again, 

In this lifetime. 

So let me say before we part, 

So much of me, Is made of what I learned from you. 

 

You'll be with me, Like a handprint on my heart. 

And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have re-written mine, 

By being my friend... 

 

Like a ship blown from its mooring, 

By a wind off the sea. 

Like a seed dropped by a skybird, In a distant wood. 

Who can say if I've been changed for the better? 

But because I knew you, 

Because I knew you, 

I have been changed for good.

 

~Stephen Schwartz

 

 

... Renovated Heart

I was never proud of my past. If given the chance to change it, I will. I've known the Lord almost all my life. I've been raised in Sunday School where I learned being a christian and gave me life to serve since I was a kid. Yet too many times I stumbled, I failed, I ran away. Too many times I put my faith in jeopardy and shamed the cross I've sworn to carry.

Impatience took the best of me, I made the biggest mistake of my life. Jumping out of God's hands and plans for me. Giving my heart to someone not even worth. Totally forgetting that He has plans for me and my future. I turned my back from everything I believed in. Leaving my cross behind for something cheap and useless.

Yet too many times I shamed the cross, His forgiveness is always there. Turning point came when I had my heart not only broken, but shattered into a million pieces I can't figure out how to put it back. How stupid of me to trust myself doing my own thing. As I recall my sins committed, all I can utter is a silent prayer of thanksgiving for another chance. Another life. I know I am forgiven. This time no turning back.

I walked away countless times, yet I was forgiven over and over. I was God's prodigal daughter. The rebel. But He loves me too much I can't afford to hurt Him again. I gave Him all the pieces left of me for the promise of restoration. Never again will I let myself fall from His hands cause this time I asked Him to hold it tight and hold me close.


"...I WANT TO BE KNOWN AS THE 28 YEAR OLD WHO IS FOOLISHLY IN LOVE WITH A PRINCE SHE CAN'T SEE. I WANT TO REJOICE WHILE HOLDING THE ROSE OF SINGLENESS, EVEN WHEN MY HANDS BLEED FROM ITS THORNS. I WANT TO RESIST THE URGE TO ENVY THE PAIRS GROWING IN THE MIDDLE OF MY NEIGHBORS GARDEN. I WANT TO BE ROOTED IN THE SIMPLE TRUTH THAT UNRIPENED PAIRS TASTES LIKE LIES AND LINGERING LONELINESS. I WANT TO PUT JESUS ON MY BULLET WOUND AND CLING TO HIS HEART WRENCHING HOPE BECAUSE HE WAS KIND ENOUGH TO BE A BAND-AID WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE STAYED KING.."

Q8 throwback

There's that feeling again. Way way back I resented, even hated that place too much I told myself I'm never gonna go back. Yet the saying is true, whatever you hate usually becomes a part of you. It has been lately that I've been feeling homesick towards some territory totally different from my norm and beliefs.

I was never a racist and I will never be. No matter how difficult it may seem to work in a foreign country, I have learned to be adaptive with their lifestyle, culture, food, language, and people.

Kuwait is my second "home". I miss the culture of greeting everyone with peace ( Asalamu-alaaykum) and the politeness of the people greeting you back though you may not even know each other by name. I miss the night life where everyone is almost out by night and drooling during the day. I miss the food, the abundance they even have more than enough to share to anyone. I miss the family gatherings, the Eid, the fasting, the everyday chimes of all the churches (masjid) to remind the time for prayer.

I miss the horrible heat during summer and terrible cold on winters. I miss talking to other people from any country in Arabic. I miss the I-CANT-BELIEVE-YOU`RE-PINAY look on the faces of my fellow countrymen when all the while I'm often mistaken as either Nepalese, Korean, even Chinese.

 I miss playing basketball with Kuwaiti school kids. I miss just staring at the sky counting how many planes and jets are passing all in broad daylight. I miss my Hindi and Sri Lankan friends who taught me to adapt with the environment. I miss the yesterdays.

I miss ya dadoo. Intay habibi Mali. One day I'll see u again. Aheb ya wayeed.

Someday soon I'm gonna set foot on my second home again. If given the chance, very soon I will.