I was never proud of my past. If given the chance to change it, I will. I've known the Lord almost all my life. I've been raised in Sunday School where I learned being a christian and gave me life to serve since I was a kid. Yet too many times I stumbled, I failed, I ran away. Too many times I put my faith in jeopardy and shamed the cross I've sworn to carry.
Impatience took the best of me, I made the biggest mistake of my life. Jumping out of God's hands and plans for me. Giving my heart to someone not even worth. Totally forgetting that He has plans for me and my future. I turned my back from everything I believed in. Leaving my cross behind for something cheap and useless.
Yet too many times I shamed the cross, His forgiveness is always there. Turning point came when I had my heart not only broken, but shattered into a million pieces I can't figure out how to put it back. How stupid of me to trust myself doing my own thing. As I recall my sins committed, all I can utter is a silent prayer of thanksgiving for another chance. Another life. I know I am forgiven. This time no turning back.
I walked away countless times, yet I was forgiven over and over. I was God's prodigal daughter. The rebel. But He loves me too much I can't afford to hurt Him again. I gave Him all the pieces left of me for the promise of restoration. Never again will I let myself fall from His hands cause this time I asked Him to hold it tight and hold me close.
"...I WANT TO BE KNOWN AS THE 28 YEAR OLD WHO IS FOOLISHLY IN LOVE WITH A PRINCE SHE CAN'T SEE. I WANT TO REJOICE WHILE HOLDING THE ROSE OF SINGLENESS, EVEN WHEN MY HANDS BLEED FROM ITS THORNS. I WANT TO RESIST THE URGE TO ENVY THE PAIRS GROWING IN THE MIDDLE OF MY NEIGHBORS GARDEN. I WANT TO BE ROOTED IN THE SIMPLE TRUTH THAT UNRIPENED PAIRS TASTES LIKE LIES AND LINGERING LONELINESS. I WANT TO PUT JESUS ON MY BULLET WOUND AND CLING TO HIS HEART WRENCHING HOPE BECAUSE HE WAS KIND ENOUGH TO BE A BAND-AID WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE STAYED KING.."
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