Back to my old self

Standard. 

The word that has been bothering me today. In my own definition it is quite broad and technical to explain. Let's just say I've been a strict compliant  way back when curfews has to be followed, grades has to be maintained, family should always be a priority, and so on and so forth. I reckon being my old judgemental, idealistic self,  I used to be proud setting and aiming some realistic goals to my self and to others. Work must be exceptional and deadlines met before due.

 

My standards served me well. I am until now respected and known for such principle. It wasn't a smooth ride though.
As I grew older,  counting the numbers left before I reach the end of the calendar days, I kinda realized that most my playmates, classmates, colleagues, are into the marriage thing-y. Diving in the pool of loneliness I recalled one conversation I had with my college friend  before we graduated,

 

Her: Why is that you seem to be so picky with guys?
Me: I dunno.
Her: you know the problem with you? Your standards are too high no guy could ever reach it. That's why no one dares.

 

That statement got stuck on one corner of my stupid brain. Yeah, I did stick to my so called standard till I passed 25. Then came 26. Oh no! Im getting older.

 

So yes, my judgment got better of me at one point in my life I did settle for sub standard. At last, fairytale for me. At least I won't be in one corner just listening when every girl in the room has something to say about romances and escapades. And the rest was history.

 

To make the long story short, after those make believe and happily ever after, I'm now back to once upon a time. 

 

My lesson?? I should've stick to what I was taught. That fairy tales never really exist. There is no such thing as Neverland where you think of wonderful thoughts then you'll find yourself up in the air. Reality hurts. Life is always unfair. Either you deal with it or you get trampled upon.

 

After all the heartaches, and betrayal, and pain so paralyzing, I came to settle with one thing. I don't need to lower my standard for a guy to love me. If he's worth it, he will find no difficulty in winning my heart. I don't need a Prince who roams around till he hears my voice that'll draw his attention. I want a knight who'll climb the tallest tower and demolish bridges just to prove that I'm worth fighting for.